The Scullery Maid Veers Off – Episode 2 The “A” Word

On the previous episode of The Scullery Maid Veers Off… I quit drinking. I didn’t quit for a Facebook challenge. I didn’t quit because I woke up in a gutter or got a DUI (even though I deserved many), I didn’t quit because anyone suggested it or because I was brushing my teeth with a bottle of Jack.

So why then? I could easily use the excuse of “health reasons” for jumping on the wagon: anxiety issues, leaky gut, high blood pressure or the ever-popular irritable bowel syndrome.

But the truth is that I quit drinking because I was addicted to alcohol.

A few years ago, I started dabbling with sobriety. I’d abstain a week here, a few days there and an entire month once. My experience was SO different from other bad habits I’d stopped before: playing computer games, eating sugar, fingernail biting, shopping online, drinking coffee…nothing, nothing, NOTHING has ever felt the way it did when I’d stop drinking alcohol. My physical withdrawals were uncomfortable but not severe. My brain, however, went ballistic and when I couldn’t stand my crazed, sober self one more minute…I’d start drinking again.

I couldn’t figure out why I could break other habits but not this one. I’d tell myself, “I’m just not the teetotaling type”, as I gleefully placed a bottle of Sapphire gin in my shopping cart. And returned to obsessing about how much I was drinking and how much other people drank and what they drank and when and where, and measuring, and moderating, and planning…

The definition of alcohol addiction is:

A chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive alcohol seeking and use, despite harmful consequences. It is considered a brain disease because alcohol changes the brain; it changes its structure and how it works. (Drugs, sex, shopping, gambling, computer gaming, food addictions, as well as others, have this effect as well.)

During the years I was trying and failing at sobriety. I continued reading about addiction and different ways others had stopped drinking. Their paths wound through the 12 steps, rehab and holistic practices in books and blogs from voices from every walk of life.

Finally in February 2017, I found a path that worked for me and sobriety stuck (I’ll go into what exactly changed in another post).

Today, I’m still retraining my brain. It’s only been seven months after all. My addicted brain still throws tantrums, begs, pouts and negotiates. It imagines and remembers, taunts and threatens and offers bribes. She screams and cries and, if I’m not careful, she blows fire. One of these days, I’ll introduce you to her.

Until then, thank you for letting me vent, and enjoy the Roslyn’s last Farmer’s Market this Sunday, October 1st from 10 AM to 2 PM!

Kevi Sutter

Head Scullery Maid

100 e pennsylvania | roslyn, washington

11 to 3 Sunday & Monday | 11 to 4 Thursday |  11 to 6 Friday & Saturday

kitchensinkroslyn@mac.com | 425.443.4788

 

8 Responses to The Scullery Maid Veers Off – Episode 2 The “A” Word

  1. Holly Q September 28, 2017 at 7:19 pm #

    I am so proud of you! 🙂

    • Kevi Sutter September 28, 2017 at 8:01 pm #

      Awww.Thanks Holly – that means a lot to hear that 🙂

  2. Cheri Carbonatto September 28, 2017 at 8:02 pm #

    I’m hoping episode 2 was as cleansing as episode 1 …. thinking if you often

  3. Susan Chlarson September 28, 2017 at 8:52 pm #

    Stick to it, you got this! Happy that you are doing what you have to to.

  4. Kristi R September 29, 2017 at 2:03 am #

    There is an author who describes lvulnerability as “it sounds like truth and it feels like courage.” She swears it’s the birth place to everything good and healthy. And I couldn’t agree more. I feel that from you with every word you share.

    You have a wonderful gift for expressing yourself. But a greater gift for living honestly and courageously. You are the kind of woman I actually like to meet and know.

    Thank you for sharing. If you wrote a book I wouldn’t put it down.

  5. Holly Q September 29, 2017 at 3:03 pm #

    I’m glad and so very happy for you. Keep on keeping on!

  6. Christy Leer September 30, 2017 at 2:25 am #

    Wow! Way to go Kevi…not just the fact that you’ve committed to stop drinking but that you are being totally open about it. And you have such a way with words; you are a writer!

  7. Sarah October 9, 2017 at 10:49 am #

    Love!! You are such an inspiration!

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