Ruminate: to think deeply about something, contemplate, consider, meditate on, muse on, mull over, ponder on/over, deliberate about/on, chew on, puzzle over.
I was actively drinking at this time last year. Autumn is my favorite season and I love hanging out in the yard (rain or shine) from about 5 to 6 in the evening, throwing the ball for my dog (Rex) and drinking whiskey and hard cider.
Once again the leaves are beginning to change color and there’s a chill in the air. The sun is golden in the early evening, so out I go with Rex. As I threw the slobbery ball across the yard, I began ruminating:
I wish I could drink while doing this. It’s no fun without it. What a drag. Ahhh…remember how good a glass of whiskey and bottle of hard apple cider went together on a fall evening. It made everything perfect. How am I going to get through this season? It’s just no fun anymore. I wish I didn’t have a dog.
HA! I stopped my thoughts and had to laugh. First of all, I’d do anything for my dog. And secondly, it wasn’t one glass of whiskey and one bottle of cider. I’d go in and out of the house four or five times for refills! I wasn’t present in the moment. I may have had a couple minutes basking with a nice buzz in the the fall air, but it soon turned into an obsessive drinking event that resulted in mixed up emotions and loss of focus except to keep an eye on the level of the whiskey bottle. How much have I drank? How much is normal? Should I get more?
I can’t help but mourn those few fleeting minutes of delight, but equally I need to recognize the truth of what followed.
This kind of thinking is so common and dangerous during recovery. I’ve already caught myself ruminating about Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas without alcohol…or camping without it. or cooking. or watching football. or having dinner with friends. or going to a wedding. or going to the mall. or life in general. Alcohol had accompanied every aspect of my life.
It’s uber important not to dwell on these future projections (which is where the one day at a time mantra comes into play) and switch gears back to reality quickly. There is an article that I love that explains more about ruminating right HERE.
The way I stop it is to jolt myself back to reality, which at times has included a splash of icy cold water in my face, then reminding myself that I am stronger than this thing. It’s just liquid in a glass with an olive on a stick.
This season, I am determined to continue my autumn ball throwing tradition with a big, steaming mug of chai tea. I happen to sell this delightful instant chai tea at kitchensink: Blue Lotus.
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